In Spain in the membrane #1.

Hola friends!

My, my, my what an amazing week i've been having. Barcelona is a truly phenomenal city more amazing then anywhere else I've been (especially Morocco).

But I'm nowhere near Barcelona yet as far as photos are concerned. So I'm going to do a double city post this time.. Madrid and Valencia. I'm currently back to a full bill of health (finally) but sadly, the first few days in Madrid were spent in bed crying(maybe).

So let's get the ball rolling.

When I finally hit the streets the first thing I noticed is the inconspicuousness of the sex shops.

Second thing was that there is a fuck load of tapas bars, everywhere! Every second block had a tapas bar on the corner. This one was across the road from our hostel. The roof is literally lined with proscuitto. Someone please show my dad this photo.

Spain never fails to deliver the goods as far as statues are concerned. I've decided some heroes of Australian history need to be honored in statue form. Imagine driving through a round-about that featured a giant statue of Daryl Somers or Steve Irwin.. Michael Phelps with a loaded bong or that bitch who ate her baby and then blamed it on the dingo. How alive would it make the cities?!?!?!

This shop was gnarley!

Sometimes you have a little chat with yourself as to whether or not you should take a photo.. Other times you just take the photo!

This billboard is in the center of town.. Everytime I walked passed I would say under my breath, "Hola Tio Pepe." And I swear once, when no one else was there, Tio Pepe took his hat off, winked and said, "Hola Yonny!" No lie...(slight lie)

Ghetto.

Good heads all round.

Andy/Digla?

This lollypop was connected to an arm which, was connected to a naked lady and all i took a photo of was the lollypop.

Warhol 1, 2 step.

Tired (lol)

I will have a room in my house like this one day.

Awesome.

Photo of photos #2

Friends.

WARNING: I went to a bull fight.. There is nothing graphic I just thought i'd let you know.

Old man.

Arena.

Pink = girly.. Not always.

How to dispose of a body.

Step #1: Create a diversion.

Step #2: Remove the body.

Step #3: Clean up any evidence.

Step #4: Pretend nothing happened.

I didn't really enjoy seeing a bull get killed but I did enjoy the watching the matador's strut with such arrogance.. It was pretty baller.

Unfortunately, we didn't see anyone get gored.

That was really it for Madrid I know.. lame. But hey I was sick!

Valencia, we were only there for about 3 days, but one of those 3 was spent heading to La Tomatina which, if you didn't know, is the worlds biggest food fight. Food of choice is tomatoes. Once a year 20,000 people, a fuckload of which were Aussies, head to a little town called Bunyol in order to throw tons and tons of tomatoes at each other for an hour between 11 and 12. Now I don't have a waterproof camera and the idea is go in with nothing come out with less then nothing so I stole this photo of a website for the purpose of a visual and we're going to pretend that the person with the blue star around their head is me.

It was one of the most awesome things I have ever done in my life. We walked down to the main strip in order to get a good spot. Started with 20 people.. Ended up with 3. Me, Sezzy and the infamous Tim Croker. It was a frenzy to say the least. There was one spot where, even before the fight, a bunch of rowdy Spaniards had set up camp and made it their business to strip tourists of their shirts and throw whatever they could get their hands on at people as they ran through the gauntlet. Some people avoid the terror, others are oblivious. I knew what was up and snuck passed them all.. Except for one MASSIVE dude who tore my shirt clean off my back in less then half a second.

After the hour everyone tries to exit the tiny streets and lanes at the same time which causes a massive human sardine can effect. There was times when I could lift my feet off the ground and my body would hold itself up. A lot of girls were crying and I even managed to saved a couple of lives. As everyone walks back to their buses etc the locals are on the street selling food, sangria and hosing off tourists with water. Nice guys.. Some of the creepier old locals had cameras too. I guess no good deed should go unrewarded haha.

I had tomato in my everything.

I spent the rest of my time in Valencia at the beach burning the absolute shit out of my chest and getting lost wandering the streets with my new friend.. That's right. I made a friend.

GFL

GFL

I plan to have one of these on the door of my house one day also.

Headed to the bus port.

In a Spanish Taxi.

FIN.

Morocco's Modern Life.

Hey folks, sorry about the delays again, another city sans Internet. In fact, this post has been completely pre-typed for efficiency and entertainment’s sake. As I right this tale of mystery, wonder and amazement, I’m currently riding a coach, stuffing my face with candy, still finding tomato seeds in my hair, 4 hours from Barcelona. But I still have Morocco, Madrid and Valencia to write about first! Shocking I know.

Before I undergo typing this next chapter I would like to let you in on something exciting.(For me anyway).

What was originally planned as a European trip with a surprise detour to Africa is now being followed up with another surprise detour. But this time…. I’m going to:

That’s right. Concrete Jungle where dreams are made of. My whole life I have dreamed of going to NY I couldn’t tell you why but something has always appealed to me about the place. Maybe It’s because all the best movies are made there? Nah that can’t be it. Birthplace of hip hop? Mmmm maybe.

Well whatever it is I can’t wait. Especially because I get to see my bro’s Spak, Scott and Dwight again. I haven’t seen Spaks since he embarked for the land of the seppo what feels like 12 months ago but is probably more like 4 months. Time goes by slowly when you travel.. I’ve been gone less then a month and I feel like I’ve been gone an eternity! Ok john, back on track.

New York City baby! This is what I picture myself being like when I’m there hahaha.

Ok story time. Maybe the reason it’s taken me so long to get around to doing this post is because of my hatred for Morocco. I was lying in bed in Madrid for aaaages the other day and I probably could of done it then. In between trips to the toilet. That’s right folks. Incase you were wondering, or didn’t already know, my long stemmed hatred for Morocco is because I developed a wicked bout of gastro or food poisoning or something that left me and the others bed ridden for a few days. It was so bad I even thought about coming home (for about half a second).

If you don’t know Morocco it’s at the northern point of Africa about 1.5 hours from Spain. It’s also a Muslim country which isn’t a problem, but tough when you decide to go visit during RAMADAN!!! Who knew. Ramadan wasn’t that much of an issue. It made it a little harder to find lunch and the occasional abuse from a street vendor for eating or drinking in front of them. All you can really do is apologise.

Welcome to Agrabah! We now have Satellite dishes.

Our hostel was amazing! Equity Point was the name and it is situated in the “souks” which is the main tourist area/market. To get there we had to walk down a lane in the market and through this winding laneway that looked like a scene out of Aladdin only, not animated of course har har har.

Hey you! Get out of my photo! I’m not paying you for your photo bombing!

Photo of photos.

This seemed like a good idea at the time that is until, you order and the shop vendor starts filling bags with nuts or dried fruit using HIS DIRTY, BARE HANDS!! No wonder we got sick!!

At night the unused area of the souks is made into an amazing food market. And so what if they all have the same food it is still amazing to be around. Majority of the people there speak a minimum 2-3 languages. Majority being Arabic, French and English in that order. So as you walk around the market square you are greeted buy dudes trying to guess what language you speak by looking at you. “Bonjour! Bonjour!” “Hello! Hello!” “Hola! Hola!”

Why are these people so obsessed with bombing!(photos)

So we get a table and in no time a menu, a bowl of olives, a bread roll and some delicious salsas appeared on our table. All the meats are “fresh” and presented infront for everyone to see and cooked by the man at the grill upon ordering. It was delicious! We ate here every night bar one and each one of those nights I felt like I was on one of those shows on the discovery travel channel where they go to crazy parts of the world and eat at exotic locations. Anthony Bourdain eat your heart out.

Delicious Salsa #1

The Spread.

Delicious, Delicious skewered meats. Don’t eat the chicken they reckon.. I ate the chicken.. NO WONDER I GOT SICK!

At this point I would like to interrupt by saying that someone on the bus sitting near me, keeps farting and it stinks.

When we weren’t fishing for food to eat we spent our time relaxing pool side (that’s right) or adventuring through the souks. Majority of the shops were just the same thing in a row.. Kind of like a rolling background on a cartoon. Food cart, souvenir shop, sunglasses/handbag shop, Moroccan antiques, butcher, rug shop and repeat.

I got yelled at by a man on the street for taking this snap.

Oh yes. There is also one stall I did for get to mention.. The snake charmers. These guys sit on the side of the road banging drums and playing the shanai(?) fooling around with cobras and all these other types of snakes but mainly the cobras. So I approached them with the intention of getting a photo of a Cobra. Before I know it I have a snake in each hand and there is a guy agitating the shit out of this cobra in front of me. The other vendor offers to take some photos for me and suggested I move closer to the cobra.. No thanks. He took a bunch of shots on my camera and told me I owe him the equivalent of $25AUD I told him to wait til after Ramadan and then eat my balls and we settled at about $4AUD. This is probably the best photo he took. Angry cobra and myself, holding two snakes with a look of uncertainty as to whether or not it was going to be able to strike me from where I was. And lets not forget the Boa’s!

Note: The snakes I’m holding in the picture are HEAVILY sedated and that ain’t cool. I know this because, all gay jokes aside, I’ve held a snake before once or twice and these thinks felt like a killer python as apposed to what a snake with an actual functioning pulse does.

One thing I have really grown to like post Morocco was the Arabic script/text. I have no idea how it works and it really does look a lot like a bunch of lines but it is hauntingly beautiful in a way.

Don’t think I have to tell you what the next two mean.

Went out for a steak one night and it just wasn’t enough.

Good to see some familiar faces.

Mmmmmmmmmm you know I did.

We took a day trip out to a waterfall. It was pretty.

Mama and baby.

Bumper sticker on our tour bus = awesome.

On our way up the mountain there was loads and loads of cafes that had these amazing/dingey little bridges that you cross to get to them. This photo is an example of a really good one and a really bad one. I think when they get old rather then removing the old one they wait for it to just fall into the river and be swept away.

Start climbing.

Stop to pose like Peter Pan.

Things got a little danger-ass.

Wow.

Catchyas…The hike up and down was more fun we had a guide that looked and moved like abu from Aladdin as well.

As I write just now, I have been on the bus for about 2.5 hours. I have exausted my supply of candy and I’m listening to Queens greatest hits. Their song “Barcelona” just came on lolz.

Last bridge out of town.

Oh last but not least … The whole time I was in Agrabah there was one thing that I wanted no, NEEDED to do. That my friends was to sit on the roof of the hostel pictured below on a nice warm night.

Anddddddddddddd...

That’s right! Mint-Peach flavoured! Served up and shared with friends from around the world. NO WONDER I GOT FUCKING SICK!!! FUCK YOU AGRABAH! FUCK YOU ALADDIN, FUCK YOU JAFAR, FUCK YOU ABU, FUCK YOU PRINCESS JASMINE AND FUCK YOU GENIE!!!

Next up.. Madrid :D